The Chemicals between Us
by Sidalee
Summary: They'd worked so hard to build a good marriage and a structured home for their children. And Steve was just throwing it all away. And for what?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing you recognize…

**A/N:** I know, I know. I should work on a THTH update and not typing super angsty stuff like this but I couldn't help myself. I warn you that it's not a very happy story and I'm still not sure how it's gonna end. Oh, and it won't be a long one, just two or three more chapters.

No beta was harmed in the making of this fic so all mistakes are mine.

The title is from my favorite **Bush** song.

Tell me what you think!

* * *

_The chemicals between us_

_The walls that lie between us_

_Lying in this bed_

_The chemicals displaced_

_There is no lonelier place_

_Than lying in this bed_

_..._

Steve put his fork down and studied his three-year-old daughter's face.

"Something's wrong, sweetheart?" He asked.

Lia hadn't had a bite since they'd sat down at the table for dinner and while she'd usually chatted a mile a minute, swinging her little legs back and forth now she just sat there still and silent.

The little girl shook her head but avoided her father's gaze.

"What's wrong?" Steve repeated softly, placing a comforting hand on her arm.

"Why is Mommy sad?" Lia sniffed, looking up at Steve with huge tears filled blue eyes.

"What makes you think Mommy is sad?" Steve asked carefully. He picked his fork back up and began picking at his food. Suddenly he wasn't so hungry anymore, either.

"We heard her crying last night," JD answered when his sister didn't.

"I'm not sure _why_ mommy is sad." Steve replied sincerely, clearing his throat.

"I think she misses you," Lia said in a small voice.

Steve didn't say anything. He couldn't.

"_I_ miss you," Lia blinked and a lone tear slid down slowly on her right cheek, making Steve's heart squeeze painfully in his chest.

"I'm right here, sweetheart," Steve said, choosing his words carefully.

"But you're not home with us," Lia's frown turned into a pout.

"Come here," Steve said, pushing his chair back from the table to make room for his daughter.

Lia got up from her chair and walked over to her fathers waiting arms. Steve picked her up and put her in his lap.

"No," he said softly. "I'm not home with you like I used to be. But…we're gonna make a home together here."

"But I like my _other_ home, Daddy. It's where Mommy is. And my toys. And Koa," she said, referring to the dog the kids had received last year for Christmas as a puppy.

"Kelly Yang, a girl in my class — s_he_ said that when _her_ daddy moved out, she didn't see him anymore." JD chimed in, pushing away his plate too.

"Hey, that's not gonna happen to us," Steve said firmly. "We're together _now_, aren't we?"

"Kelly Yang said that she saw her daddy a lot at first." JD shrugged indifferently. "But then her daddy just stopped coming to pick her up."

"_You're_ not Kelly Yang and _I'm_ not her dad," Steve reminded JD. Logic was his eldest constant companion, and it wasn't always easy to reason with him.

"Are you gonna stop coming to pick us up, Daddy?" Lia's eyes welled up with tears again and her lower lip began to quiver.

"No," Steve said determinedly. He hugged his daughter to him. "I promise you, I will _never_ stop coming to pick you up. Just like Uncle Danny does with Gracie."

"And you'll talk to Mommy? To find out why she's crying?" She asked hopefully. No matter how much of a daddy's girl she was, Lia never took well when her mother was sad.

"Yeah, sweetheart, I'll talk to her," Steve agreed.

"And she'll stop crying?"

"I hope so," Steve said sincerely.

If Steve McGarrett had had a hero complex before, it had increased tenfold when he became a father.

.

.

"What's going on?" Steve asked as he walked into Kono's office the next morning after he'd dropped JD off at school and took Lia to the daycare.

"I'm finishing up the paperwork from our last case." She told him tonelessly, not even bothering to look up. "What do you want?"

"My kids think their mother is sad," he said, folding his arms over his chest, looking at her searchingly.

"What?" She looked up at him on instant with wide eyes.

"Lia and JD said they heard you crying the other night." Steve said with a frown.

"Oh, and what? I'm not allowed to cry?" She asked angrily. "And why is any of it your business anyway?"

"I'm just checking on things," Steve shrugged, trying to act as nonchalant as he could be but on the inside he was tense and on high alert. Kono never cried when the kids could see or hear her.

"Well, check on things at your _own_ place, Steve. And leave mine alone." She got out of her chair, pushing past him forcefully and stalked out of her office.

Steve sighed as he rubbed a hand over his face in frustration.

If he thought reasoning with JD was hard, then reasoning with Kono was sure as hell nearly impossible.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing you recognize…

**A/N:** Thank you for all the positive feedback, I'm ecstatic that even though it's a pretty angsty story you didn't show up with torches and pitchforks. I'm grateful. Still don't know how this gonna end.

No beta was harmed in the making of this fic so all mistakes are mine.

Tell me what you think!

* * *

"I hate bath time," Lia said with a sigh as Kono wrapped a towel around her and lifted her from the draining tub. She placed a soft kiss on her forehead as she carried her into her bedroom.

"I know you do, baby. But I don't like dirty little girls," Kono drawled in a teasing tone.

"But you like dirty boys," Lia argued as Kono put her down beside her bed. "You always say to Daddy that you love it when he's dirty.

"Can you wipe yourself off?" Kono asked quickly turning away with flaming cheeks and she started to rummage through Lia's second drawer for a set of sleepwear. Damn, they'd been so careless with the naughty talk around the kids. She finally found a matching pair then turned back to her daughter all cool and collected. "Want me to get your back?"

Lia nodded and turned around so her mother could wipe her back, then she helped her into her sleepwear.

"Am I staying with Daddy tomorrow?" Lia asked, putting her little hands on Kono's shoulders for balance as she stepped into her shorts.

"Just until I get out of work," Kono said, leaning in and rubbing her nose against her daughter's affectionately.

"And we get to go see Santa?" she said, her bright blue eyes – just like her father's - lighting up.

"You get to go see Santa," Kono nodded, still kneeling in front of Lia.

"Are _you_ gonna be there?" she asked.

"I can't, it's my turn with the paperwork tomorrow," Kono shook her head. "You and JD and Daddy are going to go see him."

"But I don't want to go without you," she said, her eyes sad, as they so often had been for the lpast few months.

"I know, baby, and I hate to miss it, but you'll have fun. Have you thought about what you're gonna tell Santa you want?" Kono asked trying to sound excited. She hated to miss the kids seeing Santa, but she and Steve made a deal. He'd take the kids to see Santa and she'd have them over Christmas.

Lia looked down and shook her head no.

"Time for bed, sweetheart," Kono took the towel from her then gave her a playful pat on the bottom.

She watched as her daughter climbed into bed then she tucked the blankets around her up to her little chin.

"What do you think Daddy wants for Christmas?" Lia suddenly asked.

Kono held back a sigh. Ever since he'd left, it had been all about Steve. And she knew the kids needed to talk about him, but it didn't make it any easier.

"I'm not sure _what_ Daddy wants for Christmas," she said patiently.

"I think he wants to come home," Lia said smugly, sounding and looking so much like her father that Kono'd found herself painfully breathless for a heartbeat or two.

"I don't think that's gonna happen, baby," Kono cleared her throat, blinking rapidly to keep the tears at bay.

"But…"

"Malia McGarrett, we've talked about this. I don't wanna hear more buts." She said in her best authoritative voice but on the inside her heart was breaking for her little girl. She leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Night, Mommy. I love you," Lia said.

"I love you, too." Kono smiled softly at her then walked out of her bedroom.

.

.

"Hey," Kono said, peeking her head into JD's room. "Lights out in ten."

He nodded with a confused look on his face.

"What's going on?" she asked as she moved into his room.

"Do you think Daddy misses not being here?" he asked.

"Probably," She sat down on the bed beside him and nodded thoughtfully.

"Then why doesn't he come home?" JD pressed.

"I don't…" Kono sighed. " I don't think this is a conversation that we should have with just the two of us, JD."

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because I'm not comfortable speaking for your father," she told him honestly.

"Did you make him leave?" JD met her eyes. She saw the tension leaving her son's shoulders, as if he'd been waiting a long time to ask the question.

"No. I didn't make him leave," Kono said after a heavily laden minute.

"So he _wanted_ to leave?" JD looked more and more confused, clearly struggling with the idea of his father – his _hero_ – abandoning them on his free will.

Kono took a deep breath, inwardly cursing Steve for putting her in this position.

"I'm not sure what's going on, baby. And that's all I can tell you." Kono shrugged, deciding to tell her son the truth.

He nodded then his eyes returned to the book he was reading, indicating that his mother was dismissed. She kissed the top of his head, then stood up and headed for the door.

"I love you, JD," she said as she snapped his light out. The lamp beside his bed was still on.

"Love you, too, Mom." JD nodded, looking up at her for a moment with a lopsided smile before his eyes were back on his book again.

.

.

Kono tripped over a stuffed bear walking down the hallway and nearly broke her neck. She picked it up and tossed it into Lia's room on the way to her own, and then went into the bathroom and began to fill the bathtub for some much needed relaxation.

She hadn't been lying to JD; she wasn't sure what was going on with Steve. She wished she did so she'd have a better explanation for her kids. It was like one day he was fine, and then the next he wasn't talking to her. He'd completely shut down. With the kids, too, but he'd eventually gotten over that and things had returned to normal with them.

But not for him and Kono. He'd barely look at her, and when he _would _make eye contact with her, it was as if it was accidental, and then he'd look away.

Her first thought had been that he'd cheated on her, but that lasted for all of ten seconds. First of all that just wasn't Steve, he was the most loyal man she'd ever met. And second of all he spent every spare second with his family. There was no room for opportunity. And aside from both of those things, until Steve had left, their sex life had remained pretty much the same.

She sighed as she chose between two bubble bath scents sitting on the side of the tub and then dumped one of them in. The scent of coconut and lemon filled her senses.

It was her husband's favorite.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing you recognize…

**A/N:** Thank you for all the awesome reviews. Honestly, I feel awful for torturing everyone with this story and I'm grateful that you guys still come back for more. Sorry for all the heartbreaks.

No beta was harmed in the making of this fic so all mistakes are mine.

Tell me what you think!

* * *

Steve tied JD's shoelaces — of course the little boy could do it himself, but there were some things that Steve just wasn't ready to let go of yet — and smiled at him.

"Did you tell Santa what you wanted?" he asked.

"Yes." JD rolled his eyes, looking exactly like Kono when she'd found him extra annoying. "But don't you think it would be more productive if I told you and Mom what I want?"

Steve studied his six-year-old son's face for a minute, weighing his options.

"You can't visit Uncle Danny anymore," he said with a scowl. He was certain that Danny'd voiced his opinion about Steve's recent behavior - to Kono or Chin or basically anyone who'd been willing to listen - in front of the kids.

"Right," JD said knowingly, giving Steve a lopsided grin that was almost identical to his own.

Steve stood up and ruffled JD's hair, his eyes falling on his daughter who was sitting on Santa's lap.

"I don't need any more toys," Lia was explaining. "I just want my Daddy to come home for Christmas."

Steve's eyes widened as Santa just nodded, not saying anything.

"How about a new doll?" Santa asked. Steve could hear the hint of desperation in his voice. Poor guy.

"Just my Daddy." Lia shook her head stubbornly, crossing her little arms over her chest. "I want him to sleep in the same house as me again."

Knowing his daughter perfectly, Steve chose to make a pre-emptive strike so he moved quickly and pulled Lia from Santa's lap.

"Good job, sweetheart," he said softly, as he held Lia's backpack out for her.

"Santa _always_ brings you what you want, right, Daddy?" she asked as she put her arms through the straps.

Steve cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. He'd walked _right_ into that one. Lia had asked the same question on the way to the mall, and Steve had assured her that yes, Santa _always_ brings you what you want. He sure as hell couldn't change that answer now.

"I thought you were bringing us home," JD said as Steve took a left when they reached the main street. He had to force himself not to point out that his place was their home, too.

"I am," he glanced at his son. "I just have to stop by the apartment to pick some things up."

Okay, so even _he_ couldn't call it home.

.

.

Kono knew something was up the second the kids walked into the house. Lia was grinning from ear to ear, and JD had a tense look on his face.

"What's going on?" she asked.

JD's eyes widened as he shook his head to indicate that he wouldn't be answering the question. Kono's eyes flew to Steve's as he walked into the kitchen, closing the door behind him. The first thing she noticed was the duffel over his shoulder.

"What's the bag for?" she asked sharply.

"Okay, SEAL Team 3," Steve turned towards JD and Lia. "Go put your backpacks down and wash your hands."

Both kids saluted with huge grins on their faces and flew from the room, JD first with Lia hot on his heels.

"Why do you have your duffel bag?" Kono asked, her eyes narrowing.

"Because I'm going…_here_," he told her firmly, widening his stance and crossing his arms over his chest. He was ready for any kind of battle.

"Excuse me?" Kono gripped the edge of the counter to prevent herself from pulling her gun on him.

"I'm spending Christmas with you and the kids,"

She turned back to the counter and used the dishcloth in her hand to wipe it down just to had something to do with her hands other than reaching for the nearest knife.

"Funny. I don't remember inviting you," she muttered. She sighed as she threw the cloth down onto the counter and turned back around. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the counter. "You _left_, Steve. Remember that?"

"Yes, I remember that." He said and went silent for a few moments. "Mary Ann is flying in tomorrow and she's gonna be staying _here_ with you and the kids."

"Yes. Because I invited _her_," Kono said pointedly. She shook her head. "You're not staying here, Steve. You're not coming and going as you please. It's gonna be too confusing for the kids."

"Keiki…"

"_Kono_," she said firmly. "My _name_…is Kono."

He sighed as he dropped his bag by the door.

"Kono, I just watched Lia sit on Santa's lap and tell him that she didn't want any toys."

"She wants a surfboard," she told him, as if that solved everything.

"Well that's not what she told Santa."

"Well…what did she tell Santa?" she asked curiously.

"She told Santa that she wanted me to be home for Christmas," Steve said quietly, his impassive mask slipping slightly as he run a hand down his face tiredly. "Sleeping in the same house. And that was _after_ I told her that Santa always brings you what you want. I don't want Lia finding out that Santa isn't real like _this_,"

Kono stood there silently for a minute studying his face, and then sighed heavily. It was clear that Steve was homesick and hurting over something awful; she could see it in his eyes. She desperately wanted to hear the reasons but she'd learned a long time ago that Steve wouldn't talk if he wasn't ready.

"You're sleeping on the couch," she said as she spun on her heel and walked out of the kitchen.

.

.

Kono pulled a piece of tape off the roll and put it on the spot where the wrapping paper overlapped. She looked up at the knock on the door.

"Come in," she called. The kids had gone to bed a few hours ago, and she'd just checked on them; they were fast asleep.

The door to the bedroom opened and Steve walked in.

"Hey," he stopped in the doorway.

"Hey," she said without looking up.

"Want some help?" he asked as he closed the door behind him.

"Sure," she shrugged.

Steve walked over, pulled a piece of tape off the roll and handed it to his wife. She took it from him and put it on the package.

She concentrated on making the wrapping perfect, using it as a reason to not look at him. This was the first time Steve had been in their bedroom in more than two months. She could feel the tears burning behind her eyes, and turned around, making her way into the bathroom. She closed the door behind her and turned the water on, then leaned against the closed door and forced herself to take deep breaths. She hated that when she got angry, she cried. She wished she was a yeller instead.

And she _was_ angry at Steve. He still hadn't told her what had happened for him to pull away from her. And she was tired of asking. He'd left, forever changing their lives and those of their children. Even if he _did_ decide to tell her, she wasn't sure at this point that she'd be able to forgive him. Things were never going to be the same again.

After regaining her composure, she walked back into the bedroom where Steve had started wrapping the model aircraft carrier she'd bought for JD.

"You OK?" he looked up at her, worry clear in his eyes.

"Just tired," She cleared her throat, shaking her head. "I think I'm gonna go to bed."

"Sure." He nodded. "Just let me finish this up."

She went to her dresser to get a sleep shirt, trying to avoid any of his old Navy sleeveless one she'd always wore before he moved out, then went back into the bathroom to put it on. When she came out, Steve was gone and after turning the light out, she crawled into the king sized bed. Alone.

.

.

"Mommy?" A tiny voice woke her up.

Kono lifted her head up off the pillow and opened her eyes, squinting to see the clock. It was 3 a.m. She sat up.

"What's wrong, baby?" she asked as she rubbed her eyes.

"Can I sleep with you?" Lia asked hugging the stuffed pineapple Steve had gotten her just after he'd left to her chest tightly.

Kono yawned as she nodded. She usually didn't let the kids crawl into bed with her; it was a bad habit to get into. It was something she and Steve had never done as they'd designated the kids sleeping time as their alone time. But it couldn't hurt to let Lia sleep with her just this once.

"Sure, baby," she lifted the covers for her daughter.

"She said it's okay, JD!" Lia yelled over her shoulder.

She turned back around and ran at top speed for her mother's bed. When she reached it, she jumped up and crawled under the covers next to her.

JD walked in and casually headed for the bed as if it was no big deal, but she knew better. She grinned as he climbed onto the bed on her other side and hugged him to her.

"Hard time sleeping, sailor?" she asked as she released him.

"Why isn't Dad sleeping with you?" he asked, looking around the room confusedly.

"He's sleeping on the couch," Kono told him, not sure how to explain it.

She looked over at Lia, and her eyes were already closed, her thumb in her mouth and Danno, the pineapple securely against her chest, then back at JD. It was so hard with him, as he tried to make sense of everything, and Kono couldn't imagine how hard this must be for him as she couldn't even make sense of it herself.

"Come here, baby SEAL," she said, lying down.

She pulled her son against her and wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin on the top of his head. He wasn't like Lia; he never asked to be held and never willingly cuddled with her or jumped into her lap anymore. It was something she had to initiate if she wanted to show her son affection.

"Are you still mad at Dad?" he asked in a small voice.

_Jesus Christ_, Kono thought. _When was this going to stop_? There were only so many ways she could explain things. She took a deep breath as she reminded herself that the questions always increased right after they saw their dad.

"I'm not mad at Dad, JD," she told him. "I'm confused…just like you are."

"Why are you confused?" he asked, ever curious.

_Your father isn't big on words_ flew into her mind, but she would never say that to JD or in front of him. Whatever the hell was going on with her husband she'd never ruin his hero status in their children's eyes.

"I don't know." She shook her head. "I just am."

"Will we ever be _un_confused?" he looked up at her hopefully.

"I hope so," Kono laughed softly.

But she had her doubts. At this point, she may never know why Steve had left.

.

.

Steve had been tossing and turning for hours, ever since he'd lain down. He hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. The thought of Kono upstairs alone in _their_ bed was driving him crazy. And not because he wanted to be there with her, although he wasn't opposed to that. The thought, that it was just her and the kids in the house now was wreaking havoc with him. He didn't like it at all. He'd never thought about it much when he'd been at his office all night; he'd had work to occupy his mind. But the thought of his family alone - being a family _without_ him - it was more than he could take.

He felt a probing on his hand and sat up.

"Hey, Koa," he greeted their dog quietly.

The Doberman looked up at him with his big brown eyes and made a small noise at the back of his throat.

"Wanna go out?" Steve asked, standing up and patting the dog on the head. Koa danced in a circle on his way to the back door, and Steve opened it for him, letting him out. He headed for the stairs to check on the kids. Old habits'd died hard.

JD's room was at the top of the stairs and Steve was surprised to find it empty. He moved to Lia' room and found it vacant, too. He walked across the hall to the doorway of his former bedroom with his wife, and found the three of them fast asleep in the big king-sized bed.

_This_ was new.

He wondered what else had changed in the last few months.

He smiled tenderly at the sight. Kono was in the middle, her left arm slung out beside her with JD's head resting on it. He suspected it would be damp with his eldest's drool by morning. On her other side, Lia was lying vertically to her, her shoulder driving into her hip bone. Steve moved quietly into the room and moved Lia so her head was on the pillow and proceeded to cover them all up. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his daughter's head, then reached over Kono to brush JD's bangs out of his face. He'd have to take the boy to get a haircut tomorrow.

He straightened, surprised by the desperate urge to be part of his own family. Steve had never felt so isolated in his entire life.

As he soundlessly left the room he couldn't help but wonder if there was a way back or he'd ruined the only precious thing he'd ever had.

He felt like the biggest idiot in the world.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing you recognize…

**A/N:** Thank you so much for all the reviews. Tbh, it's quite fascinating how you guys reacted to Steve's behavior. When I started this story I thought that the fandom, me included, is very forgiving when it comes to him because of Alex's good looks and rakish charm. But come on guys, when you take a closer look, all of us can see that Steve isn't the perfect guy the show so desperately wants to portray. I mean, he has almost non-existent social skills, apart from some very cheesy romantic clichés he's a total dick to Catherine and he has more issues than a psych ward, the poor guy's heart and soul basically nothing but scar tissue. So yeah, in this fic I wanted to show that side of him, wanted a much more realistic approach of his character. That doesn't mean that he's selfish or doesn't love Kono or their children. He is just experienced something awful and tries to deal with in a way he'd always had to. Alone. Yep, he's an idiot for it but I love him anyway.

Sorry for the babbling but I really felt the need to explain this. Four chapters down, one more to go. It will be up by the end of the week. Enjoy!

No beta was harmed in the making of this fic so all mistakes are mine.

Tell me what you think!

* * *

Kono looked at the clock on her nightstand and shot up out of bed. She had no idea how many times she'd hit the snooze button, but if she didn't get up _now_, she was going to be late. The kids had been up since her alarm went off the first time, and she could hear Steve down the hall coaching Lia through brushing her teeth. Their daughter had a habit of brushing her front ones and then putting her tooth-brush away.

Luckily, she'd hung the clothes she was going to wear that morning in the bathroom the night before. But even having done that, she wasn't going to have time to make coffee. She groaned at the thought and stumbled into the bathroom, turning the water on even as she yawned. After having readied for work, Kono made her way down to the kitchen grabbed her cardigan off the hook by the door and began to button it.

"Don't forget, JD has half…" She turned to Steve.

"A day of school today," he finished for her. "Yep."

"Okay, then." She nodded. "I will see you later,"

"Have a good day, and be good little monsters." She walked over to the table and gave each of her children a kiss on the cheek.

"You, too, Mom," JD said. Lia's mouth was full of cereal.

After straightening, she automatically started for Steve. She froze after a few steps, her eyes widening as she realized what she was doing. Kissing him good bye had always been part of their routine, on a normal day she went to the HQ first while he would usually drop the kids off at school and daycare then she would pick them up in the afternoon. And she'd almost fallen right back into it.

He cleared his throat, his eyes fixed on her. She turned around and grabbed her bag off the hook.

"Bye," she threw over her shoulder quickly on her way out.

"Hey," Steve called after her.

She whirled back and he was standing right there. Her whole front almost brushed up against him.

"Forgetting something?" he asked.

"No," she said nervously.

"Two cream, one sugar," he grinned, handing her a travel mug.

Just the way she liked it.

"Oh," she said in a small voice. "Thanks."

And with that, she made her way to her car.

.

.

Kono looked at the empty coffee mug in her hand as she made her way towards the house. She sighed. How could Steve be so thoughtful and so thoughtless all at the same time? It was driving her crazy. She was a cop for god's sake, she was used to being in the know. But this wasn't something she could look up in a database or ask Charlie to analyze in his lab and it was frustrating as hell. She wanted to chuck the damn mug until it fell into a million little pieces but she resisted the urge, choosing composure instead.

She took a deep breath, readying herself for the sight of her husband. In the earlier days of their relationship, it had been his body and smooth talk that had turned her on, and while that was still true, the fact that Steve was so amazing with the kids and such a good provider was an even bigger turn on now. So seeing him in their house last night, and especially this morning so at ease with JD and Lia and being all domestic, she wasn't going to lie. She had been fighting feelings of lust and need all day. And he wasn't even in her vicinity. She winced as she imagined what she'd be battling tonight.

But she never could have anticipated the sight that would greet her as she walked through the door and into the kitchen. Steve was standing at the counter wearing her dancing cartoon surfboards printed apron, and there was a kid on a stool on each side of him frosting sugar cookies.

"Hi, Mommy," Lia said, looking up for just a moment.

"Hey, baby," she said as she put down her bag. She walked over to JD, putting a hand on his head and turned it toward her. "You got a haircut,"

"Dad made me," he nodded. "I wanted a real buzz cut but he didn't let it."

"Well I like it," she grinned, kissing him on the forehead. "You look so handsome."

She cleared her throat and walked over to Lia, peeking over her shoulder.

"Good job, baby," she kissed the crown of her daughter's head before turning to Steve. "Where's your sister?"

She'd left work at one o'clock, the time her sister-in-law's flight should have landed. She'd wanted to be sure and be there to greet her when Steve brought her home.

"Her flight was delayed," he explained.

"What time will she get here?"

"She should be getting in at three," he said, looking at the clock. "We better start cleaning up, kids. We need to leave in a few minutes to go pick up Auntie Mare."

"That's okay," Kono shrugged. "You keep frosting and I'll clean up after you leave,"

"Are you sure?" Steve asked.

She nodded as she picked up a cookie and took a bite.

"That one isn't frosted!" Lia gasped in outrage.

"Less work for you," she said with a wink.

"You don't want to come to the airport?" Steve glanced at her.

"No." She shook her head. "You and the kids should go get her. I have a few things I'd like to get done before she gets here anyway."

But most of all she didn't want her husband's reunion with his sister to be awkward, and she was afraid that her presence might make it that way. There was no need to put ideas into Mary Ann's head.

She left the room and headed upstairs to collect the dirty clothes from the kids' rooms and her hamper and tossed them into the washer, then hauled the vacuum cleaner out of the hall closet and began working on the carpets. After finishing the carpets, she was going to make the beds, but she hadn't noticed before that it was already done. Steve had been busy today, with tidying up, taking JD for a haircut, and then making cookies with the kids.

By the time she made it back to the kitchen, Steve and the kids were gone and she went to work cleaning up. She put the cookies in some Tupperware, and then cleaned up the countertop. She swept the floor, and then looked around. The place looked great, in part thanks to Steve, and she was able to sit on the couch and relax. She lay down with a yawn, she hadn't slept much last night with Lia's shoulder driven into her hipbone and before she knew it, her eyelids were fluttering closed.

.

.

Kono awoke with a start as she heard the racket in the kitchen and sat up. She rubbed her eyes sleepily then stood up, making her way into the kitchen.

"Hey," she called as she walked in.

"Hey!" Mary Ann greeted cheerfully, heading for her sister-in-law to gave her a big hug.

"How are you?" Kono smiled.

"I'm good," Mary Ann studied her face. "How are _you_?"

"I'm good," Kono answered. "How was your flight?"

"It was all right." Mary Ann frowned. "Lots of turbulence. And I'm not big on turbulence."

"Neither am I," she drawled dryly.

"Mom, Auntie Mare said we could have blueberry pancakes for dinner," JD said.

"Well, we don't have blueberries _or_ pancake mix," she told him.

"Maybe tomorrow for breakfast," Steve chimed in.

"_Or_ I could go to the grocery store and I could make them for dinner like I promised," Mary Ann offered.

"I can take you to the grocery store," Steve said.

"I'm a big girl, Steve." Mary Ann grinned at her brother, patting his arm. "I can take myself to the grocery store."

"Right," Steve grinned back.

"Do you need anything else from the grocery store?" Mary Ann turned to Kono.

"Not that I can think of," Kono shook her head.

"We're out of coffee creamer," Steve told his sister.

_Funny he should remember that when he doesn't even drink it,_ Kono thought bitterly.

"All right." Mary Ann nodded. "I'll get coffee creamer. Any preference?"

Steve looked at Kono who shook her head.

"Just not flavored," she requested.

"Okay. Little monsters, you want to come with me?" she asked.

Both kids nodded eagerly and immediately started for the door. Mary Ann held her hand out and Steve dropped his car keys into her hand. She followed the kids out the door, leaving Steve and Kono alone for the first time in months.

"Do you need help with anything?" Steve asked.

She shook her head.

"I'm just gonna put the laundry in the dryer," she told him, disappearing from the room.

Steve put on a pot of coffee, pulled a mug from the cupboard and put it on the counter, waiting for it to finish brewing.

Kono walked into the kitchen a minute later and opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water. After getting a glass, she filled it and then put the water back. She took a long swallow and then set it down onto the counter.

"Kono…" Steve said softly.

"What?" she asked harshly with her back turned towards him.

He sighed, and rubbed his temple.

"I know you're mad at me…"

She swung around, suddenly angry as hell.

"Just so you know, not _everything_ is about you," she sneered with blazing eyes.

"Then what…"

"I'm mad at _me_," she told him.

"For what?" He asked in bewilderment.

"Because look at what you've done to us, Steve! And _still_ all I can think about…" She sighed instead of finishing her sentence.

"All you can think about is _what?"_ he pressed.

She shook her head, and he walked towards her slowly, forcing her backwards until her lower back hit the kitchen counter.

"All you can think about…is _what_?" he asked again, his tone low, dark and coaxing.

She met his eyes, anger flaring in her own again.

"Having you between my legs," she snapped. She was hoping that her crude words would be enough to put him off, but it had the exact opposite affect. "Is _that_ what you want to hear?"

"Yeah," he said without missing a beat.

He closed the gap between them until his body was resting against hers, the counter the only thing holding them up. He studied her face for a minute and while her eyes were nearly black with anger, they were also full of passion. He lifted his hands to her face and rubbed his thumbs over her cheekbones tenderly, unable to tear his gaze away from hers. After weeks of feeling so empty and _disconnected_ that smallest touch was enough to rev him up.

She looked away first, her eyes falling to his mouth, her tongue tracing a trail across her own lower lip. His hand moved to her chin, and he grabbed it roughly, his mouth coming down hard on hers. Without waiting for her to open up, he forced her lips apart instead, anxious to taste her again. He moaned in pleasure when his tongue found hers.

He put his hands under her arms and hoisted her up onto the counter, his lips never leaving hers. He used his hands to push her sundress up to her hips and she lifted her bottom to make it easier for him. One forceful tug and her panties were off. He put them in his pocket before reaching between her legs, slipping two fingers inside of her.

She was hot, wet, and oh so ready. He began to move his fingers in a swift pace while his thumb rubbed electrifying circles onto her clit. He pulled his lips from hers and moved to her neck, kissing her erratic pulse then starting a path down the neckline of her dress to the valley between her breasts. He pulled it down below one of her breasts with his free hand, taking the fabric of her bra with it. He saw navy blue lace peeking out and pulled just the cup of her bra back up.

"_This _is new," he rasped appreciatively, lifting his eyes to hers.

She couldn't speak, just nodded.

"I like it," he said huskily as he pushed it back down. After a moan that clearly indicated longing, he brought his lips down to her hardened nipple. She whimpered as she felt his teasing tongue flick out of his mouth before he began to suck hard and she wiggled her bottom to move closer to him.

"The other one," she commanded eagerly after a minute, bracing herself with one hand as she used the other to pull her bra down on the other side, readying herself for him.

He kissed his way to the other mound, using his tongue to trace a path around her nipple before covering it with his mouth and sucking, this time more gently than before. But the hand between her legs kept up its pace. God, the man could _multitask_.

"Steve…" she said raggedly, her voice high and breathless from need.

"Tell me what you want," he said, using his teeth to graze her nipple. He felt her shiver beneath him. She tasted even better than he remembered. Every mouth-watering inch of her.

"I already told you," she grunted.

"Give me more," he demanded harshly, his fingers quickening. "The dirtier, the better."

"Inside of me," she gasped sharply. "_Deep_ inside of me."

"Yeah?" he asked smugly. He felt the nodding motion of her chin on the top of his head. He removed his fingers and his eyes locked on hers. "Is that all?"

"Hot and hard, Steve. And _quick._" Her eyes were dark with the passion he'd missed over the last few months. "Fuck me."

He was more than happy to oblige. His wife reached for the button of his cargo pants and undid them, then pulled his zipper down. He gave his pants a push so they fell to his knees along with his boxers. He positioned himself at her opening, and then paused. "Do I need a…?"

"There's nothing to worry about," she assured him breathlessly.

At her answer he drove into her, giving her exactly what she wanted. He felt feverish and damn, he wasn't sure he'd ever _been_ harder. She leaned back and grunted softly when her head thumped against the cupboard behind her. Without missing a beat, she adjusted her hips slightly so she could take more of him. She locked her fingers together at the back of his neck and her ankles at his lower back. He felt her knees tighten on his waist, a sure that sign she was getting ready to come.

"Hold on there for a minute, baby," he begged softly, as she lifted her hips time and again to meet his thrusts.

"I don't…I don't think I can," she shook her head.

He didn't want this to be over so hastily; he desperately wanted it to last. He wasn't sure when it would happen again, and he damn well wanted more than a few minutes of foreplay and 90 seconds of feeling her so hot and tight around him. It was as if every muscle in her body was throbbing and he could feel it as he stroked in and out of her. He bit his lower lip and could feel the sweat breaking out on his forehead as he forced himself to keep going.

Fuck, he missed her so much. He missed the way they always come together, easy and intimate, he missed how she'd been able to know what he needed just by one look at him. He just missed her. Every perfect, beautiful inch of her body and soul. And in that moment, his carefully constructed walls he'd pulled up between them began to crack.

When he felt his control slipping away from him, his mouth swooped down for capture. His tongue assaulted hers immediately and while he usually let her take the lead in their kissing, he fought for domination. He was so content being inside of her, he'd _brand_ her if he could. He lifted his hand to the back of her head and kissed her so soundly her head was forced backwards but the knuckles of his hand hit the cupboard, sparing her the soft blow this time. Steve brought his hips back so he was just inside of her, and then drove forward one last time with a groan. He felt his release as she cried out his name and stayed inside of her for a few moments longer before removing himself. He reached down to pull his pants up, concentrating on fastening them. He stayed where he was, not allowing her to move.

She felt like jelly, anyway. Moving wasn't going to happen for a few minutes.

"Where are my…" She eyed the kitchen over his shoulder.

He pulled her panties out of his pocket and they hung from his index finger, swinging from side to side.

"They're not any good anymore," he drawled with a smug grin.

"I just didn't want the kids to find them," she told him. "Or your _sister_."

Not much embarrassed Kono, but even she had to admit that the image of Steve's sister or their kids finding her panties on the kitchen floor was enough to warm her cheeks. Her thoughts flew back to the present as she felt stroking on her inner thighs.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her voice rising.

"Showing you what you're missing," he told her.

"You just did," she reminded him.

"Did I?" he asked with a lazy grin.

She nodded slowly, her eyes not leaving his until he fell to his knees in front of her and parted her with his fingers. His tongue found her clit quickly and a few heartbeats later he could feel her writhing once again. He swirled his tongue around and around, then up and down slowing his tempo this time. But it didn't matter. Another few seconds, and she was crying out his name again in complete bliss.

.

.

"Have you told her what's going on with you, Steve?" Mary Ann asked later that night after Kono and the kids had gone to bed.

Steve shook his head as he took a sip of beer.

"Don't you think she has the right to know?" she pressed.

"Yes." He nodded. "I just…need to find the words."

"If it's affecting you like this, Steve,"Mary Ann cleared her throat, looking at the ocean instead of him. "Then maybe it's time to think about a new career."

Steve's head flew up.

"I can't leave 5-0," he said firmly.

"But you can leave your family?" she shot back.

He lifted his hand and rubbed it across his forehead.

"It's not like that," he argued.

"Do you think she's just gonna be here ready for you to come home when you decide it's time?" Mary Ann rolled her eyes, clearly annoyed with him.

God, he hoped so. But he didn't say anything. He played with the label of his beer instead.

"You know, at this moment you remind me so much of Dad." Mary Ann said quietly.

"I'm not like Dad," Steve's head snapped up, anger flaring in his eyes.

"Really?" his sister asked softly. She shook her head. "You left your wife and _kids_, Steve."

"Fuck, Mare! I didn't leave them!"

"Don't yell at me," she warned quietly.

He grunted at the reprimand. But he had to admit it was deserved.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

Mary Ann smiled sadly at her brother.

"Are you still having nightmares?" she asked.

He nodded, looking away.

"Did they give you anything to help you sleep at night?" she pushed.

"Yeah," he said tiredly. "But I only took it once."

"Why?"

"I slept too soundly," he shrugged. "Didn't like it."

She shook her head, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, squeezing slightly before she stood up.

"I hope you talk to your wife before it's too late," she leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. "Good night, big bro."

"Night, sis." He smiled at her.

Mary Ann walked back into the house, leaving Steve alone on the lanai with his thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing you recognize…

**A/N:** So, here's the last chapter. Thank you for taking this angsty ride with me, all the reviews and support. I hope the ending will satisfy everyone. I promise next time I'll try to come up with something lighter.

Oh, and about Mary Ann knowing what's going on with Steve. I couldn't fit the explanation into the chapter so here it is: when she heared that Steve moved out, she flew home and stayed with Steve and that's when she learned about his nightmares. But he didn't tell her what exactly was going on. She just knew that something happened that made Steve all fucked up.

No beta was harmed in the making of this fic so all mistakes are mine.

Tell me what you think!

* * *

"_Those who are the hardest to love, need it the most."_

_/Socrates/_

…

Kono reached for the glass of water on her nightstand only to find it empty. It was an exceptionally hot and dry night and she'd already stripped down to her tank top and panties. Taking off anything else wasn't an option. She sighed in frustration. It was almost two in the morning and she hadn't slept a wink. She had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with the man downstairs on the couch. It was hard enough to fall asleep at night without her husband by her side, but to know he was _downstairs_? Well, that made it nearly impossible.

She got out of bed and pulled a pair of thin drawstring shorts on, then made her way into the kitchen. She opened the fridge to pour a fresh glass of water and was heading for the stairs when she heard Steve thrashing around on the couch.

.

.

"_Don't go in there, Steve," he heard. _

_It was Danny's voice and it was echoing throughout the room. He looked around, but all he could see was darkness. _

_"Steve!" he heard Danny's agitated voice calling again. "Don't go in there!" _

_But he kept walking straight ahead, hands out in front of him, until he bumped into something. He began to feel along the wall at a furious pace until his hand came to a doorknob. He grasped it, moving to open the door. _

_"Don't do it, Steve!" Danny said adamantly. But it was too late._

Steve sat up on the couch, his t-shirt soaked with sweat. His breathing was ragged, his chest heaving. He rubbed the palms of his hands over his eyes.

"Steve?" he heard.

He just about jumped out of his skin.

The light flipped on, and Kono was standing there wearing a pair of navy blue shorts. The color reminded him of earlier that evening. She had on a matching tank top and no bra. He knew from experience that all he'd have to do was look at her nipples and they'd be hard. But he forced himself to meet her eyes instead. They were filled with worry.

"Are you okay?" she called softly.

"I'm fine," he nodded, clearing his throat.

She nodded, too, but hers was uncertain. She took a deep breath.

"Leaving was one thing, Steve. But when are you going to stop lying to me?"

"What do you want me to say? That I'm not fine?" he snapped angrily.

"For starters," she said.

"I'm not fine," he shot back.

"Really?" she drawled sarcastically. "You don't say?"

"Oh, don't start," he told her.

"Start what? I think I've been pretty fucking _patient_ with you, Steve."

"This is patient?" he shot back.

"No, this is me fed up!" she said heatedly. She sighed. "When your sister leaves, Steve, so do you. And you don't come back."

"Fine," he grunted.

"I mean it. You don't pick up the kids here; you don't drop them off here! You don't come in to see Koa. I'm…I'm done!"

He looked at her, his eyes widening. He'd seen her angry before, but not like this. She barely raised her voice. And he couldn't blame her. He'd been purposely vague for months, and then he'd left without really leaving. He came and went as he pleased, and for the most part, up until now, she hadn't said a word.

She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. Her whole stance radiated tension and frustration.

"Oh, you're not gonna say anything?" she asked, lifting her eyebrows. She laughed bitterly. "_There's_ a surprise."

She choked back a sob, pressing the back of her hand against her mouth to keep the miserable noise inside.

"_I'll_ do the talking, then." She stood there for a minute studying his face before continuing. "I'm gonna see a lawyer after Christmas."

She was lying. And Steve probably knew she was lying, but Kono was a desperate woman. They'd worked so hard to build a good marriage and a structured home for their children. And Steve was just throwing it all away. And for _what_?

Steve felt as if a bomb had just dropped into his lap. But instead of trying to diffuse it, all he could do was stare at it.

Kono could see the shock on his face. Besides earlier this afternoon, this was the most response she'd gotten from him in months. She looked away from him and rubbed her bare arms with her hands feeling bone deep cold despite the insane heat, then headed for the stairs. She'd almost made it to the bottom step when she heard him speak.

"It was the serial killer case," Steve said quietly.

She froze for a second and then turned around.

"What?" she asked confused.

"It was the last week of school vacation, and you took it off to be with the kids," he told her. "We had a case with a serial killer."

"I don't remember that," she said, walking over to the couch to stand in front of him.

"Because I didn't tell you about it. You asked me how the case went when I got home, and I couldn't tell you," he explained. "So I played it off like it wasn't a big deal."

"Well, how did it _go_?" she asked. She knew it was a stupid question, obviously something had gone horribly wrong, but she didn't know what else to say. Her husband was talking to her and she was desperate for him to carry on. She had to say _something._

He shook his head, the images still clear in his mind and he noticed that his hands were trembling.

"Not good," he answered honestly.

"What happened?" she asked softly.

_Steve nodded, giving Chin the go ahead. He returned it with a nod of his own then kicked down the front door. Chin went straight ahead, Steve went left, and Danny went right. _

_"Clear!" Steve shouted when he'd searched the area thoroughly._

"_Clear!" he heard Danny yell._

"_Danny!" Chin's voice came from upstairs. It was filled with urgency._

_Steve reached the stairs first and practically flew up them. Danny was right behind him._

_Chin was standing in the doorway of one of the rooms when Steve reached him. _

_"In here?" he asked and Chin nodded._

_"Steve," he warned. "I don't think…" _

"_You don't think what?" Steve asked swiftly._

_Chin swallowed past the lump in his throat, looking uncharacteristically distressed. _

_"You shouldn't go in there," he said eventually. His voice was hoarse._

"_What are you talking about?" he asked angrily. Steve McGarrett didn't shrink away from a case._

"_Chin?" Danny looked at their teammate in confusion. "What the hell is wrong with you?"_

"_Danny…" Chin trailed off, not able to find the right words. His eyes were pleading, but Steve hadn't seen it then._

"_Chin." Steve looked at him firmly._

_He stepped to the side with a sigh and Steve pushed past him._

_What he saw made his blood run cold._

Steve lifted his eyes to his wife's, and she could see the torture in them. She'd never noticed it before. Had it been there prior to him leaving and she'd been too busy to see it? She didn't know, but she wished she did.

"The crime scene," he whispered hoarsely. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Kono sank down onto the couch next to him, resting one hand on the back of his neck. She placed the other one on his knee, feeling his muscles twitching under his skin, a clear sign of his overwhelming agitation. He was always like that when he was in a verge of falling apart.

"Steve?" she said gently, her voice full of worry.

He opened his eyes, looking at her with pupils blown wide.

"It wasn't even gruesome," he told her with a shrug. "It was pretty mild compared to some of the other ones we'd seen. But…it was a family. A mother, a boy and a little girl."

Kono inhaled sharply, her hands instinctively tightening her hold on her husband. Steve let out a shaky breath.

"The mother had long, dark brown hair." He lifted a hand and picked up a piece of her hair, running his fingers down the lock until it fell back onto her bare shoulder. "She was tall and lithe. She had a surfboard in her bedroom."

"Baby…" Kono whispered, her throat all closed up, her voice watery with withheld tears.

"Chin warned me. But I didn't listen and I pushed past him. This was the second family of victims. And they were hate crimes. But we didn't put it together until that second family. They were killed for no other reason than they chose to marry a _haole_ and have babies with them. The first one wasn't too bad. But the second one…the kids...and their mother...God, she looked _just_…like you."

Kono had thought it would take more than words for her to forgive him, but she'd been wrong. The pain in his voice was raw, and in that instant, it was done.

"Steve," she said feelingly.

"Everything changed that day, Kono," he muttered softly.

"It's _keiki_." She shook her head and leaned forward, putting her forehead against his.

He gathered her in his arms and pulled her to him in a crushing hug.

"_My_ keiki," he corrected.

He pulled away and she let her hand rest at the base of his neck again.

"I was _always_ the first one in, fearless and focused," he started to explain, the words flowing easier now. "And then, all of a sudden…it's like everything that I could lose was staring me right in the face. It wasn't just about me anymore. And it hadn't been for a long time. I wanted to catch the bad guys to make this world a better place. And…I did it at any cost. I…kicked down doors, I chased criminals."

"That's your job," she reminded him.

"My _job_ is to do that stuff while I take precautions." He shook his head. "But sometimes, I'd throw caution to the wind."

"So…you pushed us _away_ because you were afraid of _losing_ us?" she concluded. She didn't like it, but in a way she couldn't explain, she understood her husband's logic.

"I had to listen as my father got shot! I heard him fall to the ground and die! And I never thought that in all of my life, I would ever feel what I felt that day! But Kono, when I walked into that room…" He took a deep shaky breath. "When I walked into that room, it was a hundred times worse. Because _all_ I saw…was you and the kids. And I realized that until that moment, I had never known fear."

He swallowed past the lump in his throat and lifted his eyes to hers.

"I was selfish," he took her hand in his.

"I can't…argue with that," she told him honestly.

"I know," he said. "And…I wanted to stop pulling away from you, but I couldn't. And when I saw that you were so miserable, that I was _making_ you that way, I left. It wasn't fair to you."

"And being without you _was_?" she asked quietly.

"I wasn't the same man," he told her, shaking his head.

"Steve, listen to me. You are _never _going to change so much that I don't want you," she promised him. "Or love you."

"I wish I could believe that," he averted his gaze.

"I will tell you as many times as I need to until you believe it," she told him fiercely, looking him in the eye unblinkingly. "But Steve, you can't ever do this again. You can't just…leave like this."

"Or you won't take me back," he said softly.

"You're not listening to me," she said impatiently, shaking her head violently. "I _would _take you back. But my heart…would be _broken_!"

He studied her face for a minute, his eyes locked on hers.

"I won't ever leave you," he swore.

She looked into his eyes and saw the promise in them. She stood up and took him by the hand.

"Come to bed," she said with the smallest hint of smile on her lips, giving him a soft tug.

He stood up and pulled her against him, her chest resting against his. He lifted his hands to her cheeks and pushed her hair away from her face.

"I'm _so_ _sorry_," he said earnestly.

"I know you are," she told him.

He stood there for a minute, looking at her and finding her devastatingly beautiful at this moment. She was his whole world and he didn't know how in the hell he'd ever thought that he could live without her.

"You're gonna forgive me just like that?" he asked quietly.

"Yep," she said with a tender smile. "Just like that."

"Why?" he asked.

"Steve McGarrett, have you ever known me to hold a grudge?" she drawled with a raised brow, looking pretty much like her old self.

He shook his head and she lifted her hands to rest on his.

"Then why would I start with _you_?" she said, tilting her head to the side. She started walking backwards towards the stairs and he followed her up to their bedroom.

.

.

"You know it drives me crazy when you don't wear a bra," Steve growled, his hands covering her breasts over her tank top. "Did you do that on purpose?"

"No," Kono laughed. "You know I never wear a bra to bed."

"And I bet that makes your husband a _very_ happy man," he teased with a grin.

"Wait," Kono said unconvincingly when her husband's capable hands found the waistband of her panties.

"What am I waiting for?" he asked.

"I have to…tell you something," she said hesitantly.

He waited but she remained silent.

"Keiki?" he asked, his hand moving to rest on her hips.

"I'm pregnant," she blurted out.

His eyes flew to her stomach.

"What? You told me you were safe," he said dumbfounded.

"I _was_!" she told him. "There was no way I could get pregnant, because I already was! We were as _safe_ as we were ever gonna get."

"How pregnant _are_ you?" he looked at her with wide eyes.

"Around four months," she answered.

"Four months? Why didn't you tell me?" he asked. But his tone wasn't filled with accusation, just curiosity.

"I just found out a few days ago. And I wasn't…" She sighed, her eyes leaving his before finishing quietly. "Sure."

"That you wanted another baby?" he asked. They'd discussed it before, and they'd decided together that they wanted more children.

"I didn't want another baby _without _you," her eyes filled with tears.

"That's why the kids heard you crying." He said it out loud, but it was to himself.

She bit down her lower lip waiting for her husband's reaction.

But there was no need for nervousness. Her husband was thrilled with the news. He lifted her tank top and kissed the spot just above her belly button before muttering softly. "Daddy's coming home."

Kono lay back on the bed, one of her arms behind her head. She had a grin on her face, her tears forgotten.

Steve gave her panties a swift tug and she sighed. Another pair to replace. He moved his mouth closer to her stomach, placing a soft kiss there.

"Now, just so you know, in a few minutes, your Mommy's gonna be making some _crazy_ noises. But don't worry." Steve whispered. He lifted his head and winked at his wife. "_That_ means she likes it."

.

.

"Ssshh!" JD said crossly to Lia as they sat in the blanket fort in his room with Mary Ann fast asleep beside them, lying half-way on the book she'd been reading to them earlier.

"Why do I have to be quiet?" Lia questioned, her little arms outstretched to her sides.

JD sighed. Lia questioned _everything_.

"Do you hear what I hear?" he asked excitedly.

Lia shook her head.

"What do you hear?" she asked.

JD smiled.

"It's Mom and Dad. And they're laughing."

Lia grinned. Daddy was right. Santa really _did_ give you what you wanted for Christmas.

.

.

The next morning Kono stood at the kitchen counter, preparing breakfast and humming quietly.

"Hey," Steve called softly as he stepped behind her, circling her waist with his arms, splaying one of his hands over her stomach protectively. "Slept good?"

She murmured an affirmative response. Her stirring had slowed and one of her hands now covered his. She moved ever so slightly back against him, just a little sway of her hips he wouldn't have noticed with his eyes, but could feel. He knew they were both still in that post-makeup clingy stage with each other. They still needed to be close, to know that the other was there and solid and touchable.

"Now, don't the two of you look cozy?" A voice called from the doorway.

"Hello, Danny." Steve turned his head towards his friend but he refused pull away fully from his wife.

"Is that all you have to say?" Danny's voice got high in pure irritation. "You made us all miserable for months and all you say is…god, you are unbelievable."

"I think we don't need the handcuffs then." Chin appeared in the kitchen too with a grin.

"What?" Steve looked at him in confusion.

"We had a plan." Danny started to explain, highlighting his words with his usual wild hand gestures. "We were ready to bring out the big guns, so you two stubborn creatures would finally had no choice but talk."

"By handcuffing us?" Kono raised a brow at their friend.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures, babe." Danny shrugged.

"Don't call her babe." Steve warned, his grip tightening slightly on Kono.

"And homicidal animal husband is back," Danny grinned. "You were missed."

"Daddy!" Lia shrieked, running into the kitchen with a huge smile. "You are hugging Mommy."

"Yeah, I do," Steve picked up his daughter with his free hand, kissing her cheek. "Where's you brother?"

"Throwing your duffel into the trash." Lia said seriously. "So you can't leave again."

"I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart." Steve promised fiercely.

"Good, because Uncle Chin and Uncle Danno brought like four handcuffs to make sure you and Mom stay together forever."

Steve grinned and kissed his daughter's temple. He knew that it would take some time to put the past few months behind them but he was certain that they could do this.

Together.

As a family.


End file.
